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From scary to heartwarming and hilarious, an assortment of behind-the-scenes, true stories about life as an undertaker.
From shoot-outs at funerals to dead men screaming and runaway corpses, undertakers have plenty of unusual stories to tell—and a special way of telling them.
In this macabre and moving compilation, funeral directors across the country share their most embarrassing, jaw-dropping, irreverent, and deeply poignant stories about life at death’s door. Discover what scares them and what moves them to tears. Learn about rookie mistakes and why death sometimes calls for duct tape.
Enjoy tales of the dearly departed spending eternity naked from the waist down and getting bottled and corked—in a wine bottle. And then meet their families—the weepers, the punchers, the stolidly dignified, and the ones who deliver their dead mother in a pickup truck.
If there’s one thing undertakers know, it’s that death drives people crazy. These are the best “bodies of work” from America’s darkest profession.
Praise for Mortuary Confidential
“As unpredictable and lively as a bunch of drunks at a New Orleans funeral.” —Joe R. Lansdale, author of Moon Lake
“Sick, funny, and brilliant! I love this book.” —Jonathan Maberry, author of Ink
“McKenzie and Harra keep us reading because these true mortuary tales are poignant—and suddenly, gaspingly, in-your-face funny.” —Booklist
I Had Lost The Hearse!
Funerals and the all the things that accompany them are traditionally somber, contemplative events in which the bereaved look to their undertaker to guide them through that most difficult of times.
Of course, sometimes tradition gets thrown under the bus.
From a dysfunctional family who turn their mother's wake into a full-blown riot, to funeral crashers looking for free meals, to a horse-drawn hearse taking the dearly departed for the ride of their afterlife, these accounts from actual undertakers will have you laughing, thinking, and gasping in disbelief. A literal graveyard of wild coincidences, slapstick humor, and touching moments, Over Our Dead Bodies explores the lighter side of the dead, the living, and the lone undertaker who has to make it all go as planned--even if it doesn't.
Praise for Mortuary Confidential
"Curious, wildly honest stories that need to be told, but just not at the dinner table." --Dana Kollmann, author of Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand
"As unpredictable and lively as a bunch of drunks at a New Orleans funeral." --Joe R. Lansdale
"Sick, funny, and brilliant! I love this book."--Jonathan Maberry, multiple Bram Stoker Award-winning author of They Bite! and Rot & Ruin
"These true mortuary tales are poignant--and suddenly, gaspingly, in-your-face funny." --Booklist
A routine autopsy on a couple of unidentified homicide victims takes a turn for the weird when Homeland Security swoops in and seizes the bodies. Even weirder, Clip and the attending pathologist are debriefed at a safe house where a doctor pokes and prods them to determine if they were infected, but Homeland Security won't tell them with what.
Two homeless guys shooting each other isn't normally a matter of national security. But every time Clip investigates what the John Does were involved in, Homeland Security intervenes. When the bodies start piling up in his morgue--all seemingly healthy adults--he knows it's connected. There's been an outbreak and the government is trying to get a handle on it quickly and quietly. That is until it mushrooms out of control. Things turn for the worse when the funeral home's secretary is hospitalized, quickly followed by his girlfriend. Government officials place Charleston under quarantine, and DMORT arrives to deal with all the bodies. Clip needs to find out what's going on before half his city (and his loved ones) end up dead.
It all started with those two John Does. He has to figure out which one is Patient Zero.
Long description: Tripp Clipper is at the top of his profession as an undertaker. Whether it's serving a grieving family with compassion or embalming a tough case, Clip is ready to tackle it. But his latest body is different. This case of accidental death is really a murder.
Clip raises his concerns, but the coroner's office is unwilling to reopen the investigation. He's forced to let it go. But then the bodies begin piling up and Clip feels it's his duty to investigate. Trouble is someone doesn't want him poking his nose into these deaths. Clip isn't worried about his safety; as an army veteran, he's been trained how to handle himself in sticky situations. But when his girlfriend's safety is compromised, he has to make a choice between her life and the answers to his questions.
Praise for Mortuary Confidential
"These true mortuary tales are poignant--and suddenly, gaspingly, in-your-face funny." --Booklist
"Curious, wildly honest stories that need to be told, but just not at the dinner table." --Dana Kollmann, author of Never Suck a Dead Man's Hand
Praise for Over Our Dead Bodies
"It’s funny and poignant and, as you dig in, it’s very, very addicting. Once you’ve started “Over our Dead Bodies,” in fact, you’ll like it to The End." --Long Island Pulse