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Excellent book. I found every bit of it extremely helpful. The facts of the situation and what a targetted parent can do about it, are spelled out clearly and directly. So many of the case studies cited in the book echoed my difficult experiences between 1979 and the mid 1990s, when I sent my children on access to a hostile and vindictive ex spouse. There was no such literature available to help me through it then. I found the advice at the end, to parents affected by parental alienation, particularly helpful in finding a way forward for myself now, through what has been a most difficult time that spanned a large part of my life and still affects us now even though he's died a couple of years ago (mercifully). I am looking forward to reading "Surviving Parental Alienation". Until I had read Amy J. L. Baker's books I had not fully realised how much harm a toxic non-custodial ex can do to their children. My ex was a skilled and cunning manipulator and liar par excellence, who committed himself to turning the children against me, in order to get revenge on me and vindicate himself. I see now that he did not let up, ever, even after they grew up, when I'd felt they would be safe from his harmful influence. I was so wrong. He primed the children from ages three and four to see him as totally right and me as totally wrong. Of course, no real situation of co-parenting is ever like this. We did not really have co-parenting. My ex was always totall anti-me so there was no co about it. There was a black schism.
Worth reading if your facing coparenting or attempting to coparent with a Narcissist, BPD or other kind of sociopath. The exercises in the book are not that great but the main points are solid. I was put off by the author's choice of assigning the toxic ex as a 'he' In addition the use of 'she' when speaking about the child was unnecessary. Surely replacing 'he' with 'the ex' is not that hard. Even if aimed at a mainly female readership, the author must appreciate the fact that men are constantly demonized in the media enough already.
First I want to give this book more stars . If only i had this book 4 years ago . I am a father who has been, and still going through hell, a complete nightmare. Finding it hard to believe and not being able to understand what has been going on. Never could have imagined that anybody could be so malicious but the power of manipulation is not to be underestimated. This book is VITAL to any parent who.s life is being destroyed by a co toxic parent.
This book is a life saver , I’m going threw hell , now I know what I’m up against , how to act on contact , not to take it personally . I haven’t done anything wrong that my daughter doesn’t want to spend time with me . It is a very cruel thing to do to a child , at what cost , it’s the child that suffers at the end .there is light at the end of the tunnel , never give up and be true to yourself , surround yourself with friends , family that are supportive , thank you for writing such a great book , and helping the understanding of this cruel game of control .
The book was incredibly useful to provide a toolbox to not only identify what your child is experiencing, but also -and most importantly - how to respond in a way that help your child navigate the situation. Once you become aware of what is happening, a lot of the readings you do puts your ex at the centre - and quite frankly as much as I tried to be compassionate - my ex is not the one who needs my help, love and support right now. My children are! As soon as I Started the book, I was able to apply some of the strategies and this made a world of a difference. Of course, there were slip ups and difficulties but it empowered me with an appropriate reaction in almost any situation.
Really disappointed with this book. Yes it mentioned all the negative issues that could occur, the advice given was just ‘common sense’ Basically don’t let your child be in the middle of arguments etc. Think about how your child is feeling.... I found this book very patronising. Do not waste your money to buy something that you already know.
This book is a life saver at a mind-blowing, distressing time in my life. I now feel more educated and stronger to deal with my situation and prevent my boy being stolen from me. How anyone would know how to deal with this type of situation is beyond me. This book gives you the tools you need. Highly recommended to anyone dealing with a toxic co parent. Amazing.